Jadinya, aku pun buat lah refleksi diri. Is that what they call it? Refleksi? Idk tapi yang penting aku dah try look back on myself searching for the "why"? Kenapa aku stress sangat lately and kenapa aku rasa dikalahkan? Well, everything happens for some reason kan? So there must be something that I have done to myself in order to achieve some goals but in the same time destroys me slowly.
And after beberapa analisis aku rasa aku dah jumpa punca disebalik kenapa aku rasa macam ni and maybe know how to overcome them. Despite to just keep it for myself I decided untuk share these things with you guys with hope not only being able to cheer myself up, also it would do the same for you.
But be aware of this! Ni semua berdasarkan aku punya pengalaman so some of you might cannot relate and some can. Kalau korang boleh relate thats good then. Korang boleh gunakan some of my advice cause they might probably going to help you in surviving (or might not haha!).
So, di akhir entry ni aku harap we both would end up smiling and successfully moving on with our life with good vibes. I hope so.
I tend to compare others person's situation with mine. As an example dalam kelas bila dapat markah test or markah quiz. Aku selalu aku sorok markah aku dengan classmates. I will normally ask my classmates punya markah and when they asked mine, I never tell them. Then slowly aku akan compare markah aku dengan si A pastu moving on to si B then C then the list continues.
While doing that, I had slowly, silently judging myself.
"Kenapa markah aku rendah sangat?"
"Why am I so stupid?"
"Kenapa si A tinggi sangat markah dia weh C dengan B ni dua markah tinggi dari aku dekat mana aku salah?"Tapi apa yang kita selalu terlepas pandang is that, we as human often take the good and positive side of others and compares with the bad and negative side of us. For example, dalam skop social media. Lets be real because no ones life is a perfect and wonderful as it seems in their social field. Kenapa aku cakap macam ni? Because my life is not nearly as wonderful as what in my instagram feeds and twitter timeline Because I know how to put tons of filter in one picture and be fake in a tweet. So do you, and so does everyone else.
So keep in mind yang semua orang ni berbeza. How they do things is also gonna be different. And dalam dunia dimana terdapat berbillion jumlah orang, its stupid to think that everyone is going to get from A to B using the same path. Tak masuk akal untuk kita still compare ourself dengan orang lain.
I suck at something. Im good with something. You suck at something. Youre good at something. Bear with it.
Kenapa kita asyik pandang kesalahan and masalah kita in such a negative way. Maksud aku, macam mana kau tahu untuk jangan main dengan alat tajam such as pisau? Maybe, just slightly maybe masa kau kecik kecik kau selalu tergores tangan kau secara tak sengaja. AND NOW YOU KNOW WHEN YOU PLAY WITH KNIVES WITHOUT SAFETY PRECAUTION YOURE GOING TO HURT AND BLEED. Tapi macam mana kau nak tahu kalau main pisau without safety precaution kau akan cedera kalau korang tak pernah tercedera masa kecik in the first place. If mak kau yang bagitahu okay then I cannot argue tapi how can your mak tahu?
You see, we as human learn from mistakes. Even the most successful person on earth pun belajar melalui kesilapan? What makes you think yang kau akan berjaya without a little ups and downs? You know who to trust and who should not to, its probably because someone has lied to you. Or if you ace in your test paper, maybe you have failed before.
So when you have made a mistake or you fail or youre heartbroken, yeah, cry. Be sad about it. Thats okay but also be 10% happy because weh this thing is going to help you in your future. Try untuk ambik kesilapan tu and belajar melaluinya, try to not make the same mistake again. Or else, you are going to stuck in that road forever.
3) Ignoring Myself
Yang ni masalah aku yang paling besar.
Kita semua duk busy admiring kawan kita, daydreaming about our crushes, prioritizing our besties and things till we ignore our closest friend, OURSELF!
How I see, people are awesome, wonderful. They are like the beautiful red cherries on top of the already delicious sundae. Sundae tu sahaja pun dah sedap kalau makan macam tu je. Having the cheeries is just a bonus okay. Even some people doesnt even like cheeries.
The person you should be relying most in your life, is you. Kenapa? Always that kenapa kan guys. So here the thing. No one knows you as well as you know yourself. No one know your greatest fear or your darkest secret. No one can ever hear all the litle voices in your head, except you! Is that not enough reason why no one can be the greatest friend for you, but you?
Because my friend, i guarantee no matter how perfect your life is and how many friends you have, at some point you are going to be alone sitting in a room feeling super lonely. So the only option you have is to be friend with the only person in that room, You.
❀✮❃✮❀────────────So thats it. I felt a little bit better. Do you? Did I achieve my goal, making you smile? I didnt huh? Not surprising though, aku bukannya cikgu kaunseling so yeah.
If you knew someone who are having a really bad day, try sharing this entry to them, it might or might not help you but maybe it might help them facing their life.